If you want to improve your social skills, self-confidence, and ability to connect with someone, you can take our 1-minute quiz. Try to remember the kinds of questions they ask, how they follow up on the other person’s answers, and even how they make use of silence. Small talk often plays a hugely important role in the workplace. Its content is less important than its role of creating, building and maintaining connections between people. Small talk, in general, involves “light” topics of conversation.
Notice What They’re Wearing
Because every meaningful relationship in life starts with small talk. “Whenever I want to start a conversation with a stranger or someone I don’t know well, I start talking about something that happened to me early that day,” writes William Beteet. Eventually, you’ll start feeling more comfortable striking up and maintaining interesting conversations. Instead of asking yes/no questions that lead to dead ends, encourage your conversation partner to share some more detail about his or her life.
- Small talk may not change your life in a single exchange, but over time, these moments can add up to a richer and more connected one.
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- When you shift from information-gathering to connection-building, everything changes.
When Someone Asks You A Question, Respond Generously
Carrie Ashfield worked as a real estate executive for 20+ years. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in History & Business from Wilfrid Laurier University and a Bachelor of Applied Arts degree from Ryerson University in Radio and Television Arts. She’s raising two teenage boys, two Huskies, and has acknowledged addictions to movies, books, and being outside. Have the mindset that you are talking to people to help them out and make them comfortable. They may have other things on their mind and just can’t get into chatting right now. Excuse yourself politely and move on to something else.
Those details become powerful questions and conversation starters. The reason why we call this “active” listening is because it really does require brain power. The more present you are with people during your conversations, sure you’ll be more mentally tired, but the reward is in truly connecting with someone and having them feel seen. I still recall the mentors and incredible humans in my life because of how they made me feel when I was sharing something vulnerable about myself. One of my closest friendships began when I walked up to my neighbor while he was lifting weights in his garage. That small moment of curiosity turned into shared workouts, deeper conversations, and eventually him inviting me into his church community, where I’ve met some of my closest friends.
To better practice active listening, I try to turn off all the distractions, turn my phone on silent, and truly just be with the other person. There is something special about maintaining eye contact, too. When done right, they really like you, and you instantly become friends with a stranger.
When you’re in small talk, pick topics that are light and positive. Stay away from sensitive subjects like politics, religion, or money. Instead, talk about things everyone can enjoy, like movies, travel, sports, or the weather.
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Stay up to date with news and current events and people will think your intelligence has doubled. Most people say friendship is important to them, but often act in ways that contradict that sentiment. After decades of social isolation, people are realizing proximity is a resource. The more curious you are about another person’s experiences or perspectives, the more likely the other party will be interested in continuing the conversation, Poswolsky says. The other person, in turn, will readily offer more information, furthering the discussion. I’ve learned that giving myself space to rest makes me better when I do step back into conversations.
You probably wouldn’t hold it against anyone, and it’s unlikely anyone would hold it against you. You’ve probably been taught about stranger danger since you were a child, but those instincts won’t do you any good when you’re trying to get to know people. The faster you open up, the more likely it is that you can skip that boring “what’s your name and what do you do? Here are 10 secrets to being a small talk pro, shared by mysterious internet experts who we can only hope to run into at a networking event one day.
In the era of smartphones and constant notifications, staying focused during a conversation has become more challenging than ever. In professional settings, you may want to stick to complimenting people of the same gender, to avoid giving the wrong impression. Imagine how you would respond if your friends asked you about a new movie or your favorite book, and try to bring that sense of relaxed enthusiasm to your response. If the person doesn’t seem very excited about the first topic you introduce, take it as a sign to move on to another subject. This could be a trusted friend or colleague who can role-play some conversations with you. Listen actively to what the other person is saying.
Thanks again to the team at Harvard Business Review for making the original video. You can find all their videos and podcasts at HBR.org. Think Fast, Talk Smart is a podcast produced by Stanford Graduate School of Business. Each episode provides concrete, easy-to-implement tools and techniques to help you hone and enhance your communication skills. In this podcast episode, Matt Abrahams shares tips on how to master the art of chit-chat. When you talk about your own personal and strong convictions, it can sometimes make the small uncomfortable, especially if the other person disagrees with you.
And, as mentioned above, you can introduce the person to someone else you know and then leave them to chat together. Last of all, it’s good to have an exit strategy for when the conversation has dried up or you just want to move on. If you’re too shy to begin a new conversation with someone, try joining someone else’s.
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